Post by *ShinyKitty* on Sept 26, 2007 20:50:08 GMT -8
Okay, first this is not writen by me, so don't give me any credit. I found this, and it was done by a online friend.
Second, this is too long for one post, so I'm going to post it in two.
Anywho, I hope you enjoy!!!
Second, this is too long for one post, so I'm going to post it in two.
Anywho, I hope you enjoy!!!
~Harry Potter and the Musical~
Scene One: Be Prepared
[Voldemort enters stage with several Death Eaters. They speak in low tones and then Voldemort comes downstage and begins to sing.]
[Sings to the tune of "Be Prepared".]
Voldemort: I know that your powers of retention are as wet as a warthog's backside. But thick as you are, pay attention; my words are a matter of pride. It's clear from your vacant expressions the lights are not all on upstairs. But we're talking spells and magicians! Even you can't be caught unawares. So prepare for a chance of a lifetime! Be prepared for sensational news. A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer.
Lucius Malfoy: And where do we feature?
Voldemort: Just listen to teacher. I know it sounds sordid but you'll be rewarded when at last I am given my dues; and murder deliciously squared. Be prepared!
[Speaks]
Belatrix Lestrange: Yeah, be prepared. Yeah. Heh... we'll be prepared, heh... for what?
Voldemort: For the death of the Potters!
Crabbe: Why? Are they sick?
Voldemort No, fool-- we're going to kill them. And Dumbledore too.
Lucius Malfoy: Great idea! Who needs the Potters?
[Lucious begins, then Belatrix joins in.]No Potters! No headmaster! La--la-la--la-laa-laa!
Voldemort: Idiots! There will be a headmaster!
Lucius Malfoy: Hey, but you said, uh...
Voldemort: I will be headmaster! ...Stick with me, and you'll never go to Azkaban again!
Malfoy, Belatrix, Crabbe and Goyle: Yaay! All right! Long live the Dark Lord!
All Death Eaters: Long live the Dark Lord! Long live the Dark Lord!
[Sings]
All Death Eaters: It's great that we'll soon be connected with a Lord who'll be all-time adored.
Voldemort [Death Eaters sing in parentheses]: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected to take certain duties on board. The future is littered with prizes and though I'm the main addressee! The point that I must emphasize is you won't get a bit without me! So prepare for the coup of the century! Be prepared for the murder of all! (Oooh... La! La! La!) Meticulous planning. (We'll have power!) Tenacity spanning. (Lots of power) Decades of denial (Only our) Is simply why I'll (lots of power) Be Lord undisputed (Aaaaaaah...) Respected, saluted (...aaaaaaah...) And seen for the wonder I am! (...aaaaaaah!) Yes, my wand and ambitions are bared, (Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) Be prepared!
All: Yes, our wands and ambitions are bared! Be prepared!
[All break into evil cackling and slowly advance on the Potter's house. Blackout. Flash of green light. Blackout.]
Scene Two: Hogwarts Letters
[Harry, now eleven years old, is fetching the mail for Uncle Vernon. He sees a letter addressed to him and pauses. Dudley sneaks up behind him and snatches the letter from his hand.]
Harry: Hey! That's my letter! Give it back!
[Dudley gives letter to Uncle Vernon who opens letter, then walks over to fireplace and burns it.]
Uncle Vernon: It's nothing. No bloody letters for you!
[Ominous rumbling is heard in the background and suddenly letters begin flying down on to stage from every corner of the room.]
Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, Dudley: AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!
Harry: Letters, letters, letters for meeeeeeee!
[Vernon grabs Petunia, Dudley, Harry, bundles them offstage.]
[New scenery: house on a rock. Harry and Dudley are on stage, the former drawing in the dust, the latter snoring loudly. Rumbling is heard and the door falls in, leaving Hagrid silhouetted in the doorway. Dudley wakes and screams. Petunia and Vernon enter stage right. Vernon carries a rifle. Hagrid enters stage left.]
Uncle Vernon: Sir, I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking and entering!
Hagrid: Shut up, Dursley, you great prune.
[Hagrid bends rifle barrel upward, turns to Harry.]
Hagrid: Hello, Harry. Here's your letter.
[Harry opens letter and is surprised. Harry looks at Hagrid, then back down at letter. Throws letter into air and begins to sing to the tune of "The Letter".]
Harry: Give me a ticket for a fast train,
I ain't got time to take no airplane.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
I don't know how much money I got to spend;
I won't find my way home again.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts wrote me a letter!
Won't have to live with the Dursleys no more.
Invited me to come to come to wizard school.
Hogwarts School once more
Anyway
Give me a ticket for a fast train,
I ain't got time to take no airplane.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts wrote me a letter!
Won't have to live with the Dursleys no more.
Invited me to come to come to wizard school.
Hogwarts School once more
Anyway
Give me a ticket for a fast train,
I ain't got time to take no airplane.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
[Harry strikes pose. Blackout.]
Scene Three: Friends on the Express
[Harry is now on board the Hogwarts Express. Ron Weasly enters.]
Ron: Is this car taken?
Harry: No. Come on in.
Ron: So, what's your name?
Harry: I'm Potter. [Strikes pose.] Harry Potter.
Ron: Are you really him? No way! Can I see your scar? [Harry lifts up hair.] Wicked… I'm Ron Weasly.
Harry: Nice to meet you, Ron.
[Hermione enters.]
Hermione: Do you have an extra seat? [Harry indicates the seat next to him.] Thanks. I'm Hermione Granger.
[Hermione sits.]
Harry: Does anyone know what happens when we get to Hogwarts?
Ron: Well, I've got five brothers and they all say that once you get there, you're sorted into one of four houses; Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. All my brothers have been in Gryffindor. I just hope that I'm not in Slytherin; there isn't a wizard who went bad who wasn't in that house!
Harry: Well, how do they sort you?
Ron: Well, I've heard something about wrestling an ogre…
Hermione: That's ridiculous! That's far too difficult for a first-year to handle, even if, like me, they had been studying magic all summer!
[Ron and Harry stare at Hermione.]
Ron: You studied all summer?
Hermione: Sure. What did you do?
Ron: Played. Had fun.
Hermione [Looking puzzled]: What is this 'fun' of which you speak?
[Ron rolls eyes and looks at Harry.]
Ron: She belongs in a loony bin, I swear!
[Blackout. Lights up on new scenery. Great Hall of Hogwarts. Hermione is sitting on a stool, under the sorting hat.]
Sorting hat: GRYFFINDOR!
[Hermione sits at Gryffindor table amid applause.]
Professor McGonagall: Malfoy, Draco.
[Malfoy sits under hat.]
Sorting hat: SLYTHERIN!
[Malfoy sits at Slytherin table.]
Professor McGonagall: Potter, Harry.
[Harry sits on stool and softly sings to the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas".]
Harry: I'm dreaming of Gryffindor,
Which is the place I want to be.
Where the lions thunder-
and now I wonder-
Is Hogwarts just right for me?
Sorting Hat: You're dreaming of Gryffindor.
But while you could do very well
in Slytherin you could be swell…
But then again you could end up in hell!
You're dreaming of Gryffindor.
But while you could do very well
in Slytherin you could be swell…
But then again you could end up in hell!
[Hat speaks.]
Sure? Well, better be… GRYFFINDOR!
[Harry sits at Gryffindor table, amid lots and lots of cheering.]
Dumbledore: Let the feast… begin!
[Dumbledore claps hands. Blackout.]
Scene Four: Troll!
[It is Halloween. All are seated in the Great Hall, enjoying a feast. Suddenly, the door opens and Quirrell runs in, screaming.]
Quirrell: TROOOOOOLL! TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS! Thought you ought to know.
[Quirrell passes out. There is an immediate uproar.]
Dumbledore: SSSIIILLLEEENNNCCCEEE!!! [Quieter] Prefects- lead your houses back to their common rooms. Teachers, please come with me to the dungeons.
Ron: [To Harry, as they leave the Great Hall.] Hermione is still in the girl's bathroom! We've got to warn her!
[Harry and Ron break away and run towards the bathroom. As they get nearer, they see the troll enter the bathroom.]
[Hermione is in the bathroom. She exits a stall and sees the troll. She screams and begins running away, singing to the tune of "Help".]
Hermione: Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was in class, just earlier today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now those days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I changed my mind when I opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling scared!
And now my fear of trolls is bein' bared!
I came in here because nobody cared!
Won't you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
Keep wishin' that this troll would vanish into haze.
Sadly, it won't so I'll just keep runnin' away.
Hopin' that I'll live (right now) just to see the end of day!
Help me if you can, I'm feeling scared!
And now my fear of trolls is bein' bared!
I came in here because nobody cared!
Won't you please, please help me.
When I was in class, just earlier today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now those days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I changed my mind when I opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling scared!
And now my fear of trolls is bein' bared!
I came in here because nobody cared!
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.
[Ron and Harry enter bathroom and throw things at troll.]
Ron: Oi, pea-brain!
[Troll turns and faces Ron and Harry. Harry runs toward Hermione and tries to pull her towards the door. ]
Harry: Hermione, come on!
[Hermione is frozen in place. Harry jumps and grabs troll around the neck, accidentally sticking his wand up its nose. The troll roars and flails club. Ron points wand at troll and shouts spell.]
Ron: Wingardium leviosa!
[Troll's club flies into the air and then falls on its owner's head. The troll falls to the ground.]
Hermione: Is it… is it dead?
Harry: I don't think so; just stunned.
[Professor McGonagall enters with Snape and Quirrell. Quirrell flops onto floor, unconscious, while Snape examines troll.]
McGonagall: What were you thinking, going after a fully-grown mountain troll?! You could have been killed! Why aren't you in your dormitories?
Hermione: [Looking at floor] They came to rescue me, professor. I went looking for the troll because I thought I could handle it, you know- because I've read all about them. If they hadn't found me, I'd probably be dead by now. They didn't have time to get any help. It was about to finish me off when they arrived.
McGonagall: Miss Granger, how could you be so foolish? Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this. I'm very disappointed in you. Now, if you're not hurt, you had better get off to Gryffindor tower.
[Hermione exits.]
McGonagall: [To Harry and Ron] Well, I still say that you were lucky; not many first-years could tackle a mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points, but mark my words- Professor Dumbledore will hear about this. Now off you go.
[Harry and Ron exit the bathroom to find Hermione waiting for them.]
Hermione: I just wanted to say thank you. What you did back there- it was really brave.
Ron: Well, you weren't exactly cowardly covering for us! We owe you a couple thousand thanks for that.
[Hermione blushes and mutters something about it being no big deal. All three exit. Blackout.]
[New Scene: Hallway outside the bathroom. Various Hogwarts Students are arrayed in the background. They are dressed in black with sunglasses. Harry, Ron and Hermione are walking and talking. Snape comes past them, limping. They turn as he passes.]
[As Harry, Ron and Hermione watch Snape, the Various Students begin snapping their fingers. Then, after a moment, they begin to sing the pink panther theme. Harry, Ron and Hermione are silent until the students have finished.]
Harry: Did you see that? Snape was coming out of the forbidden corridor… and he was limping… [His voice trails off into silence. Blackout.]
Scene Five: Flamel and Fluffy
[Harry, Ron and Hermione are eating breakfast in the Great Hall. Ron is reading the Daily Prophet.]
Ron: Guys, listen to this! [Reads from paper] 'Investigations continue into the break-in at Gringotts, widely believed to be the work of dark wizards or witches unknown. Gringotts goblins today insisted that nothing had been taken. The vault that was search had been emptied earlier. "But we're not telling you what was in there, so keep your noses out if you know what's good for you," said a Gringotts spokesgoblin this afternoon.'
Harry: Ron, what's the article dates from?
Ron: [Checks paper] July first. Why?
Harry: Well, Hagrid and I went and got something from vault 713 that very day! Do you think it could be what the thieves were after?
Hermione: Maybe we should go down and ask Hagrid what he knows about it.
[New scene: Hagrid's hut. Hagrid is standing outside, speaking with the three children.]
Hagrid: No, no an' no! I told ye, I don' know nothin' about it!
Harry: What about that three-headed dog? He's guarding something; a trapdoor. And Snape tried to get past him on Halloween. I think he was trying to get at whatever it's guarding.
Hagrid: How d'ye know about Fluffy?
Ron: Fluffy? You mean that beast actually has a name?
Hagrid: Yeah. I bought him off a Greek chappie I met in a pub las' year and lent him to Dumbledore to guard the-
Harry: [Interrupting Hagrid] Yes?
Hagrid: Now don' ask me anymore. That's top secret information, that is.
Hermione: But Snape's trying to steal it!
Hagrid: Snape's a Hogwarts teacher. He wouldn' try anythin' of the sort! Now listen to me, all of ye'. Yer meddln' in things that don't concern yeh. It's dangerous. You ferget that dog, an' you ferget what it's guardn'. That's between Professor Dumbledore an' Nicholas Flamel!
Harry: Aha! So there's someone named Flamel involved, is there?
Hagrid: [Furious with himself] Go on now, an' don' make me tell you anymore!
[New scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the library. They are looking for information on Nicholas Flamel.]
Hermione: There's nothing! Not anything!
[New scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the Gryffindor common room.]
Ron: Well, since we can't find anything on Flamel, may as well have a chocolate frog. You want some? [Offers bag to Harry. Harry takes on and opens it. Looks at card.]
Harry: Dumbledore again. He was the first one I ever- [Pauses. Then speaks quietly and calmly.] Guys, I think I know who Nicholas Flamel is.
[Hermione and Ron look over Harry's shoulder at card.]
Hermione: [Reads from card] Albus Dumbledore, currently headmaster of Hogwarts.
Ron: Well, we knew that already!
Harry: Hush, Ron! Let her read on.
Hermione: [Reads from card] Considered by many to be the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous-
Ron: Yes, yes, get on with it! Does it say anything about Flamel?
[Hermione gives Ron a dirty look and continues reading.]
Hermione: Particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner [stresses words] Nicholas Flamel.
Harry: This is it, guys! Now all we need to do is look Flamel up in an alchemy book.
Ron: But there are hundreds of that sort of thing in the library!
Harry: Well, that means that one book will eventually have something, doesn't it?
[Hermione looks thoughtful and rushes away.]
Ron: Where's she off to?
[Hermione re-enters, carrying a large book. Harry and Ron look amazed.]
Ron: What is that thing?
Hermione: I never thought to look in here! I got this out of the library a few weeks ago for a bit of light reading.
Harry: Light?
Hermione: Be quiet until I look this up. [Flips through pages, searching.] I knew it! I knew it!
Harry: Are we allowed to speak yet?
Hermione: [whispers] Nicholas Flamel is the only known maker of the sorcerer's stone!
Ron: The what?
Hermione: Don't you two ever read? Listen. [Reads from book.] The ancient study of alchemy is concerned with making the Sorcerer's Stone, a legendary substance with astonishing powers. The stone will transform any metal into pure gold. It also produces the elixir of life, which will make the drinker immortal.
Harry: Other than the fact that Flamel invented the thing, what does it have to do with him?
Hermione: If you listen, I'm coming to it. [Reads from book.] There have been many reports of the Sorcerer's Stone over the centuries, but the only Stone currently in existence belongs to Mr. Nicholas Flamel, the noted alchemist and opera lover. Mr. Flamel, who celebrated his six hundred and sixty-fifth birthday last year, enjoys a quiet life in Devon with his wife, Perenelle (six hundred and fifty-eight).
Harry: That stone must be what Snape's after.
Ron: And what the dog's guarding.
Hermione: We'd better get there before he does!
Harry: We'll get past the dog tonight!
[New scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione are about to leave the Gryffindor common room when Neville steps out from behind a chair.]
Neville: Where are you three going?
Harry: Nowhere. Go back to sleep, Neville.
Neville: You going out, aren't you? You're going to lose more points for Gryffindor. I won't let you. [Balls fists and puts them up.] I… I'll fight you.
Hermione: Look, Neville, I'm really sorry about this but [Pulls out wand and points it at Neville] Petrificus Totalus.
[Neville becomes stuff and falls to the floor.]
Ron: [Looking at Hermione.] You're brilliant. But scary.
Scene One: Be Prepared
[Voldemort enters stage with several Death Eaters. They speak in low tones and then Voldemort comes downstage and begins to sing.]
[Sings to the tune of "Be Prepared".]
Voldemort: I know that your powers of retention are as wet as a warthog's backside. But thick as you are, pay attention; my words are a matter of pride. It's clear from your vacant expressions the lights are not all on upstairs. But we're talking spells and magicians! Even you can't be caught unawares. So prepare for a chance of a lifetime! Be prepared for sensational news. A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer.
Lucius Malfoy: And where do we feature?
Voldemort: Just listen to teacher. I know it sounds sordid but you'll be rewarded when at last I am given my dues; and murder deliciously squared. Be prepared!
[Speaks]
Belatrix Lestrange: Yeah, be prepared. Yeah. Heh... we'll be prepared, heh... for what?
Voldemort: For the death of the Potters!
Crabbe: Why? Are they sick?
Voldemort No, fool-- we're going to kill them. And Dumbledore too.
Lucius Malfoy: Great idea! Who needs the Potters?
[Lucious begins, then Belatrix joins in.]No Potters! No headmaster! La--la-la--la-laa-laa!
Voldemort: Idiots! There will be a headmaster!
Lucius Malfoy: Hey, but you said, uh...
Voldemort: I will be headmaster! ...Stick with me, and you'll never go to Azkaban again!
Malfoy, Belatrix, Crabbe and Goyle: Yaay! All right! Long live the Dark Lord!
All Death Eaters: Long live the Dark Lord! Long live the Dark Lord!
[Sings]
All Death Eaters: It's great that we'll soon be connected with a Lord who'll be all-time adored.
Voldemort [Death Eaters sing in parentheses]: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected to take certain duties on board. The future is littered with prizes and though I'm the main addressee! The point that I must emphasize is you won't get a bit without me! So prepare for the coup of the century! Be prepared for the murder of all! (Oooh... La! La! La!) Meticulous planning. (We'll have power!) Tenacity spanning. (Lots of power) Decades of denial (Only our) Is simply why I'll (lots of power) Be Lord undisputed (Aaaaaaah...) Respected, saluted (...aaaaaaah...) And seen for the wonder I am! (...aaaaaaah!) Yes, my wand and ambitions are bared, (Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) Be prepared!
All: Yes, our wands and ambitions are bared! Be prepared!
[All break into evil cackling and slowly advance on the Potter's house. Blackout. Flash of green light. Blackout.]
Scene Two: Hogwarts Letters
[Harry, now eleven years old, is fetching the mail for Uncle Vernon. He sees a letter addressed to him and pauses. Dudley sneaks up behind him and snatches the letter from his hand.]
Harry: Hey! That's my letter! Give it back!
[Dudley gives letter to Uncle Vernon who opens letter, then walks over to fireplace and burns it.]
Uncle Vernon: It's nothing. No bloody letters for you!
[Ominous rumbling is heard in the background and suddenly letters begin flying down on to stage from every corner of the room.]
Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, Dudley: AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!
Harry: Letters, letters, letters for meeeeeeee!
[Vernon grabs Petunia, Dudley, Harry, bundles them offstage.]
[New scenery: house on a rock. Harry and Dudley are on stage, the former drawing in the dust, the latter snoring loudly. Rumbling is heard and the door falls in, leaving Hagrid silhouetted in the doorway. Dudley wakes and screams. Petunia and Vernon enter stage right. Vernon carries a rifle. Hagrid enters stage left.]
Uncle Vernon: Sir, I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking and entering!
Hagrid: Shut up, Dursley, you great prune.
[Hagrid bends rifle barrel upward, turns to Harry.]
Hagrid: Hello, Harry. Here's your letter.
[Harry opens letter and is surprised. Harry looks at Hagrid, then back down at letter. Throws letter into air and begins to sing to the tune of "The Letter".]
Harry: Give me a ticket for a fast train,
I ain't got time to take no airplane.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
I don't know how much money I got to spend;
I won't find my way home again.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts wrote me a letter!
Won't have to live with the Dursleys no more.
Invited me to come to come to wizard school.
Hogwarts School once more
Anyway
Give me a ticket for a fast train,
I ain't got time to take no airplane.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts wrote me a letter!
Won't have to live with the Dursleys no more.
Invited me to come to come to wizard school.
Hogwarts School once more
Anyway
Give me a ticket for a fast train,
I ain't got time to take no airplane.
Oh, the lonely days are gone,
I'll be right home.
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
Hogwarts School wrote me a letter!
[Harry strikes pose. Blackout.]
Scene Three: Friends on the Express
[Harry is now on board the Hogwarts Express. Ron Weasly enters.]
Ron: Is this car taken?
Harry: No. Come on in.
Ron: So, what's your name?
Harry: I'm Potter. [Strikes pose.] Harry Potter.
Ron: Are you really him? No way! Can I see your scar? [Harry lifts up hair.] Wicked… I'm Ron Weasly.
Harry: Nice to meet you, Ron.
[Hermione enters.]
Hermione: Do you have an extra seat? [Harry indicates the seat next to him.] Thanks. I'm Hermione Granger.
[Hermione sits.]
Harry: Does anyone know what happens when we get to Hogwarts?
Ron: Well, I've got five brothers and they all say that once you get there, you're sorted into one of four houses; Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. All my brothers have been in Gryffindor. I just hope that I'm not in Slytherin; there isn't a wizard who went bad who wasn't in that house!
Harry: Well, how do they sort you?
Ron: Well, I've heard something about wrestling an ogre…
Hermione: That's ridiculous! That's far too difficult for a first-year to handle, even if, like me, they had been studying magic all summer!
[Ron and Harry stare at Hermione.]
Ron: You studied all summer?
Hermione: Sure. What did you do?
Ron: Played. Had fun.
Hermione [Looking puzzled]: What is this 'fun' of which you speak?
[Ron rolls eyes and looks at Harry.]
Ron: She belongs in a loony bin, I swear!
[Blackout. Lights up on new scenery. Great Hall of Hogwarts. Hermione is sitting on a stool, under the sorting hat.]
Sorting hat: GRYFFINDOR!
[Hermione sits at Gryffindor table amid applause.]
Professor McGonagall: Malfoy, Draco.
[Malfoy sits under hat.]
Sorting hat: SLYTHERIN!
[Malfoy sits at Slytherin table.]
Professor McGonagall: Potter, Harry.
[Harry sits on stool and softly sings to the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas".]
Harry: I'm dreaming of Gryffindor,
Which is the place I want to be.
Where the lions thunder-
and now I wonder-
Is Hogwarts just right for me?
Sorting Hat: You're dreaming of Gryffindor.
But while you could do very well
in Slytherin you could be swell…
But then again you could end up in hell!
You're dreaming of Gryffindor.
But while you could do very well
in Slytherin you could be swell…
But then again you could end up in hell!
[Hat speaks.]
Sure? Well, better be… GRYFFINDOR!
[Harry sits at Gryffindor table, amid lots and lots of cheering.]
Dumbledore: Let the feast… begin!
[Dumbledore claps hands. Blackout.]
Scene Four: Troll!
[It is Halloween. All are seated in the Great Hall, enjoying a feast. Suddenly, the door opens and Quirrell runs in, screaming.]
Quirrell: TROOOOOOLL! TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS! Thought you ought to know.
[Quirrell passes out. There is an immediate uproar.]
Dumbledore: SSSIIILLLEEENNNCCCEEE!!! [Quieter] Prefects- lead your houses back to their common rooms. Teachers, please come with me to the dungeons.
Ron: [To Harry, as they leave the Great Hall.] Hermione is still in the girl's bathroom! We've got to warn her!
[Harry and Ron break away and run towards the bathroom. As they get nearer, they see the troll enter the bathroom.]
[Hermione is in the bathroom. She exits a stall and sees the troll. She screams and begins running away, singing to the tune of "Help".]
Hermione: Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was in class, just earlier today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now those days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I changed my mind when I opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling scared!
And now my fear of trolls is bein' bared!
I came in here because nobody cared!
Won't you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
Keep wishin' that this troll would vanish into haze.
Sadly, it won't so I'll just keep runnin' away.
Hopin' that I'll live (right now) just to see the end of day!
Help me if you can, I'm feeling scared!
And now my fear of trolls is bein' bared!
I came in here because nobody cared!
Won't you please, please help me.
When I was in class, just earlier today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now those days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I changed my mind when I opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling scared!
And now my fear of trolls is bein' bared!
I came in here because nobody cared!
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.
[Ron and Harry enter bathroom and throw things at troll.]
Ron: Oi, pea-brain!
[Troll turns and faces Ron and Harry. Harry runs toward Hermione and tries to pull her towards the door. ]
Harry: Hermione, come on!
[Hermione is frozen in place. Harry jumps and grabs troll around the neck, accidentally sticking his wand up its nose. The troll roars and flails club. Ron points wand at troll and shouts spell.]
Ron: Wingardium leviosa!
[Troll's club flies into the air and then falls on its owner's head. The troll falls to the ground.]
Hermione: Is it… is it dead?
Harry: I don't think so; just stunned.
[Professor McGonagall enters with Snape and Quirrell. Quirrell flops onto floor, unconscious, while Snape examines troll.]
McGonagall: What were you thinking, going after a fully-grown mountain troll?! You could have been killed! Why aren't you in your dormitories?
Hermione: [Looking at floor] They came to rescue me, professor. I went looking for the troll because I thought I could handle it, you know- because I've read all about them. If they hadn't found me, I'd probably be dead by now. They didn't have time to get any help. It was about to finish me off when they arrived.
McGonagall: Miss Granger, how could you be so foolish? Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this. I'm very disappointed in you. Now, if you're not hurt, you had better get off to Gryffindor tower.
[Hermione exits.]
McGonagall: [To Harry and Ron] Well, I still say that you were lucky; not many first-years could tackle a mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points, but mark my words- Professor Dumbledore will hear about this. Now off you go.
[Harry and Ron exit the bathroom to find Hermione waiting for them.]
Hermione: I just wanted to say thank you. What you did back there- it was really brave.
Ron: Well, you weren't exactly cowardly covering for us! We owe you a couple thousand thanks for that.
[Hermione blushes and mutters something about it being no big deal. All three exit. Blackout.]
[New Scene: Hallway outside the bathroom. Various Hogwarts Students are arrayed in the background. They are dressed in black with sunglasses. Harry, Ron and Hermione are walking and talking. Snape comes past them, limping. They turn as he passes.]
[As Harry, Ron and Hermione watch Snape, the Various Students begin snapping their fingers. Then, after a moment, they begin to sing the pink panther theme. Harry, Ron and Hermione are silent until the students have finished.]
Harry: Did you see that? Snape was coming out of the forbidden corridor… and he was limping… [His voice trails off into silence. Blackout.]
Scene Five: Flamel and Fluffy
[Harry, Ron and Hermione are eating breakfast in the Great Hall. Ron is reading the Daily Prophet.]
Ron: Guys, listen to this! [Reads from paper] 'Investigations continue into the break-in at Gringotts, widely believed to be the work of dark wizards or witches unknown. Gringotts goblins today insisted that nothing had been taken. The vault that was search had been emptied earlier. "But we're not telling you what was in there, so keep your noses out if you know what's good for you," said a Gringotts spokesgoblin this afternoon.'
Harry: Ron, what's the article dates from?
Ron: [Checks paper] July first. Why?
Harry: Well, Hagrid and I went and got something from vault 713 that very day! Do you think it could be what the thieves were after?
Hermione: Maybe we should go down and ask Hagrid what he knows about it.
[New scene: Hagrid's hut. Hagrid is standing outside, speaking with the three children.]
Hagrid: No, no an' no! I told ye, I don' know nothin' about it!
Harry: What about that three-headed dog? He's guarding something; a trapdoor. And Snape tried to get past him on Halloween. I think he was trying to get at whatever it's guarding.
Hagrid: How d'ye know about Fluffy?
Ron: Fluffy? You mean that beast actually has a name?
Hagrid: Yeah. I bought him off a Greek chappie I met in a pub las' year and lent him to Dumbledore to guard the-
Harry: [Interrupting Hagrid] Yes?
Hagrid: Now don' ask me anymore. That's top secret information, that is.
Hermione: But Snape's trying to steal it!
Hagrid: Snape's a Hogwarts teacher. He wouldn' try anythin' of the sort! Now listen to me, all of ye'. Yer meddln' in things that don't concern yeh. It's dangerous. You ferget that dog, an' you ferget what it's guardn'. That's between Professor Dumbledore an' Nicholas Flamel!
Harry: Aha! So there's someone named Flamel involved, is there?
Hagrid: [Furious with himself] Go on now, an' don' make me tell you anymore!
[New scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the library. They are looking for information on Nicholas Flamel.]
Hermione: There's nothing! Not anything!
[New scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione are in the Gryffindor common room.]
Ron: Well, since we can't find anything on Flamel, may as well have a chocolate frog. You want some? [Offers bag to Harry. Harry takes on and opens it. Looks at card.]
Harry: Dumbledore again. He was the first one I ever- [Pauses. Then speaks quietly and calmly.] Guys, I think I know who Nicholas Flamel is.
[Hermione and Ron look over Harry's shoulder at card.]
Hermione: [Reads from card] Albus Dumbledore, currently headmaster of Hogwarts.
Ron: Well, we knew that already!
Harry: Hush, Ron! Let her read on.
Hermione: [Reads from card] Considered by many to be the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous-
Ron: Yes, yes, get on with it! Does it say anything about Flamel?
[Hermione gives Ron a dirty look and continues reading.]
Hermione: Particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner [stresses words] Nicholas Flamel.
Harry: This is it, guys! Now all we need to do is look Flamel up in an alchemy book.
Ron: But there are hundreds of that sort of thing in the library!
Harry: Well, that means that one book will eventually have something, doesn't it?
[Hermione looks thoughtful and rushes away.]
Ron: Where's she off to?
[Hermione re-enters, carrying a large book. Harry and Ron look amazed.]
Ron: What is that thing?
Hermione: I never thought to look in here! I got this out of the library a few weeks ago for a bit of light reading.
Harry: Light?
Hermione: Be quiet until I look this up. [Flips through pages, searching.] I knew it! I knew it!
Harry: Are we allowed to speak yet?
Hermione: [whispers] Nicholas Flamel is the only known maker of the sorcerer's stone!
Ron: The what?
Hermione: Don't you two ever read? Listen. [Reads from book.] The ancient study of alchemy is concerned with making the Sorcerer's Stone, a legendary substance with astonishing powers. The stone will transform any metal into pure gold. It also produces the elixir of life, which will make the drinker immortal.
Harry: Other than the fact that Flamel invented the thing, what does it have to do with him?
Hermione: If you listen, I'm coming to it. [Reads from book.] There have been many reports of the Sorcerer's Stone over the centuries, but the only Stone currently in existence belongs to Mr. Nicholas Flamel, the noted alchemist and opera lover. Mr. Flamel, who celebrated his six hundred and sixty-fifth birthday last year, enjoys a quiet life in Devon with his wife, Perenelle (six hundred and fifty-eight).
Harry: That stone must be what Snape's after.
Ron: And what the dog's guarding.
Hermione: We'd better get there before he does!
Harry: We'll get past the dog tonight!
[New scene: Harry, Ron and Hermione are about to leave the Gryffindor common room when Neville steps out from behind a chair.]
Neville: Where are you three going?
Harry: Nowhere. Go back to sleep, Neville.
Neville: You going out, aren't you? You're going to lose more points for Gryffindor. I won't let you. [Balls fists and puts them up.] I… I'll fight you.
Hermione: Look, Neville, I'm really sorry about this but [Pulls out wand and points it at Neville] Petrificus Totalus.
[Neville becomes stuff and falls to the floor.]
Ron: [Looking at Hermione.] You're brilliant. But scary.